In our work, we frequently encounter unexpected situations. Many of our participants can’t turn to their own families for support, so they come to us. They yearn for a safe space like our office, not seeking advice, but for a place to vent. The Leader’s Lab is that space, so when a mother and son do not see eye to eye, our doors are open, and in most cases, that’s all they need.
The Moment
This summer has had its way with the 914United team at the Leader’s Lab. We learned fast that the heat gave us no excuse not to do our jobs, though, because any mission that’s worthy will require a bit of sacrifice and suffering along the way.
On this day in particular, we are getting ready to run a training workshop with a couple of participants.
As two team members discuss the rest of the week’s schedule in the conference room, one of the participants walks in, shuts the door behind him, and starts crying.
“My mother’s in the hospital, it’s all my fault.”
The Journey
We met the young man inside the Westchester County Jail a few years back.
Until that moment, the criminal-legal system was his second home. Still a teenager, he had been in and out of juvenile detention centers several times since he was thirteen. Now graduating to the County, his path to State prison was imminent. When he finally got to know us, we were able to land on his radar.
The process got started when he was released; trust was built before his release, and then the real work began.
Since then, the progress that this young man has made is too profound to put into words. Yet, for many people not directly connected to the work, it’s difficult to see. They wouldn’t understand the changes that he’s making and the challenge he’s facing every day. There are chains that bind him–chains that are not so punitive; they are societal and restrictive.
This young man’s way of life is not a life easily left behind, especially when it’s the only way of life he knows. Like many other young people in his situation, he tries to balance the serving of two masters–the person he used to be and the person he wants to be.
Hence, two competing values are always at odds: a peace of mind and the code of the streets.
“It’s like waking up every day to work a 9 to 5 with shackles on your wrists.”
Through it all, though, he has stuck to his plan, and we have been by his side every step of the way. He maintains a full-time job, still attends our workshops on a regular basis, and has been able to stay away from prison for more than three years.
The Connection
On this particular day, we were training future 914united Ambassadors on the art of program facilitation. We were eager to begin teaching him what it takes to do what we do, which will reflect the level of passion he has shown. The development of this particular training was inspired by him, and we hoped to contribute to a well-rounded vision of his future.
When he noticed the two team members talking in the conference room, he walked in unannounced. We could tell something was off.
Through a well of tears and a grief-stricken voice, he says. “My mom is in the hospital, it’s my fault.”
We both stood up, instantly, surprised by the outburst of emotion. We knew he was as real as they come. My team member didn’t hesitate; he hugged him.
“What’s up?”
The Real
Social status and gang affiliation go hand-in-hand in the communities we serve. This young man’s reputation and affiliations have serious ties to the streets. However, his progression gives us hope that change can happen with anyone.
The night before our workshop, he had an argument with his mother about an emotional decision he was about to make. His mother, afraid of what he might get into, was refusing to allow him outside and resorting to negative behaviors. He meant no harm; however, this time his actions came with unintended consequences.
He has had issues with reacting violently to situations in the past. And all the work he had done to that point, learning how to regulate his emotions, was about to be jeopardized.
His mother grabbed him by the arm and tried to get him to listen to reason, but he turned in a fit of anger and pushed her away. She stumbled backwards and lost her balance on a small flight of stairs…
The Impact
With the tears now streaming down his face, he held on to the embrace and let it all out. The moment was heart wrenching, and it was apparent how sorry he was that something like that happened. We know he didn’t mean to hurt his mother. But this hit home in a different way. He was taking accountability for his actions, and kept saying how tired he was of always being ready to “crash out”-in other words, his readiness to throw it all away.
We know how far he has come and how much he has achieved on his own with the support of 914united. His relationship with his mother had improved dramatically in the past few years. She is proud of the growth she has witnessed. Our workshops have taught him some of the life skills he lacked, and helped with his decision-making and personal relationships.
He trusted us enough to let his guards down and felt the support of the 914united team around him. We all stood in silence around him and watched as he let out what he had bottled up inside.
His eyes were closed, reliving the moment in his mind.
“I almost hurt my mom real bad,” he said, using his t-shirt to rub the streaks off his face.
Then he opened his eyes, straightened himself out like a man on a mission, and said, “I’m ready.”
He went to the bathroom and washed his face, then walked back into the next room ready to partake in his next workshop.
His journey continues.
“His mother suffered minor injuries but was hospitalized for routine observation due to her fall.”
The Mission
His journey will continue to be a hard one. But at 914united, we take pride in the fact that we stay by his side because the work is not easy. Our intentionality is what drives our impact – especially on how intentional we are with “our youth.” We meet them where they’re at, and we provide resources, education, and exposure to experiences that can lead to the transformation many of our community members need.
His staying out of prison is not by accident. The incident with his mom was an unfortunate one. The personal work continues. With his past lifestyle still a factor, he constantly feels the pull of the streets. Yet, he’s well aware that any wrong decision could change the entire trajectory of his life in seconds. But 914United continues to stand by him, and all of our participants are pursuing the right path. He knows we’ve got his back and will always be more than just a shoulder to cry on.
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
— Epictetus, Stoic Philosopher